You probably remember that I kind of left you hanging at the end of part one by not moving beyond the know it all “I have it all figured out” parent type, I really hated to do that, but the post got so long, it was just crazy. If you didn’t read part one, be sure to take a peek at that one first. Today, we’re going to continue on to see the two types of parents styles that most of us fall into, as well as a few thoughts and resources…..
On a little more common level, we have the “I have NO idea what I’m doing” parents! I can totally relate to these parents, even though I technically fall into the next category, there are times in almost every parent’s life that you have an “AAAAAH” moment of panic where you don’t know how to proceed with a particular challenge or age while parenting. For those who fall into this category… in addition to serious prayer, I also recommend that you glean from a variety of parenting sources.
Be careful who you listen to though! You’re looking for balanced input, anything else is simply a waste of your time. You’re also looking for input that makes sense for the personality of your family. I believe that each family has it’s own unique personality that is going to be as absolutely unique as all the individuals that make up the family unit. Keeping this uniqueness in mind, your family will need a parenting approach that makes sense for you…not the family next door.
I’m also very sorry to say that if you happen to have a friend or family member that falls into the first group we talked about… well, guess what…yup, you’re going to have to distance yourself just a bit, especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed or discouraged by their “input”!!! This isn’t to make them or you feel bad, this is to make sure that you can find a healthy balance and system for your family.
Ok, so this brings us to the third group of parents…those who simply take parenting one day at a time. Even though these parents have definite plans and goals in mind for their family, they look to God each day for direction and remain open to His direction. This is a parent who is actively pursuing the best solutions for their unique family needs and structure, and who understands that over time, those needs change. And this is a parent who feels balanced and (for the most part) relaxed about parenting.
Yes, we only get one shot at this and that thought can be ABSOLUTELY terrifying, but we also realize that we are only human and we will make mistakes as parents. My husband and I definitely fall into this group. We know we are NOT perfect parents and we do NOT have perfect kids and (usually) we’re just fine with that. We also know that we do not have this whole parenting thing figured out, we can only make recommendations based on our observations and our personal experiences.
We are the parents who inwardly cringe and laugh at the same time when approached by others who say “Wow, with 6 boys you must really have this parenting thing down.” Our response to that statement (or the many variations of it) is simply this, “The more children we have the more we realize we don’t know about parenting.”
Just about the time you think you have it all figured out, you have another child and the “break the mold”. Sure, you realize each time you have a child that their personality is going to be different than your other child(ren), but sometimes you haven’t a clue just how extreme that difference can be.
So, I’d like to encourage you today to do your research, the first book I recommend is the Bible! Parents really do need to start here, learning everything they can. Pray before you read each day and I guarantee you won’t be disappointed.
If you’d like more information, there are many wonderful (and totally balanced) parenting resources out there for you to glean from. Check them out from your library, participate in them at your church or online. The key word here though is “glean”. You are never going to be able to use or implement 100% of a particular style or method, nor should you, so take the parts that you can use and go from there.
Have you read a parenting book or gone to classes that particularly blessed you as a parent? If so, please share that in the comments!!!
What is our favorite you ask? Well, in addition to the Bible (which I consider the ULTIMATE parenting handbook), the one that jumps out in my mind immediately is Parenting With Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility By Foster Cline & Jim Fay and Boundaries with Kids By Drs. Henry Cloud & John Townsend. Since I’m on a roll, here are just a couple others…
- For great information on Strong Willed children and Learning styles look for anything by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias!
- Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Revised and Updated
By Tedd Tripp - Creative Correction
By Lisa Whelchel - A Woman After God’s Own Heart, Updated and Expanded Edition
By Elizabeth George - The New Strong-Willed Child
By Dr. James Dobson
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June 12th, 2009 at 6:12 am 1
Thank you for sharing this post. The best parenting book I have read recently was “Don’t Take It Out On Your Kids” by Katherine Kersey. She heads up the early childhood development program at Old Dominion University. The book is a quick and easy read with lots of wonderful moments and some “aha’s” as in, I do that, but didn’t realize I was doing it or how it might effect my kids. It can be found here: http://tinyurl.com/mjl4r5
Sweet Serendipitys last blog post..Aloha Friday
June 12th, 2009 at 7:04 am 2
The Love and Logic book popped into my mind as well. It’s a good one.
So many parenting books and especially parenting magazines are extreme and filled with holier-than-thou attitudes. They really frost me.
While I am certainly not an obsessive parent, perhaps I err too much the other way, I do have a certain plan or outline for the education of my children (not talking about just school here) that helps me stay on track. In other words, I parent deliberately.
June 15th, 2009 at 10:01 pm 3
I am such a huge fan of the love and logic books and am really interested in reading “Don’t Take It Out On Your Kids-” could have used that one tonight!
One book that pops into mind is Janis Gioia’s latest book, “The Wolf Pack Classroom Management Plan.” Although the book is targeted toward teachers, I found it to be extremely helpful for me as a mother- it helped create a calm yet fun atmosphere in my home. It encourages kindness, teamwork and cooperation. Truly was a godsend in helping me get back control in a non hostile way!
http://www.wolfpackclassroom.com/
June 16th, 2009 at 10:30 am 4
Thank you Ladies for all your input! There are so many great resources and I appreciate you all sharing some of your favorites
.