Financial Woes – Married Life

One of the first and biggest stress factors for couples is often finances. Almost all of us will struggle with finances at some point in our marriage, and how we handle this can define everything. I have to ask one question though…outside of a spouse lying about finances, how is your relationship with your husband really connected to your finances?

Our relationship as a husband and wife is a heart connection…not a financial one. I didn’t marry my husband for his money (LOL). Sure, financial issues have to be resolved, but money isn’t emotional. Sure, there is a deeper issue if one or the other of you is lying about what you are doing financially, but that’s a totally different issue than what I’m talking about here. The reality is that marriage isn’t about money.

If you’re going through a particularly difficult financial time, try to remove that stress from the relationship parts of your life. If you need help with your finances, there are plenty of great books out there that address it, but when you and your husband can set aside time for a solution meeting for your finances, emotions need to be left behind.

I know this is challenging! I cannot tell you how many times I have let finances affect my mood negatively. When that happens, everyone pays…my husband and my children because the saying that “when mom isn’t happy, no one’s happy” is sadly not far off base. I continually have to remember to give things (especially financial) to God. I cannot do anything about it in that moment, but I can do something about my mood.

Here’s some tips to help you get your finances in check and separate them from your marriage relationship.
Budget. This is the number one tip I can give you. At first it may seem stressful and overwhelming. Many of us realize when we first do our first budget that we absolutely cannot make ends meet according to what that paper says. There are definitely times when we have to face the fact that things are tight, there isn’t enough money for anything extra and we may even have to tighten our belts with how much we spend for groceries.

There are families that are truly in dire straights as well. For most of us though, there may be that minimal margin between what is coming in each week/month and what is going out, but once we see it on paper, we can also see where we can make adjustments and exactly what we are dealing with.

One of the biggest things that I can also recommend is that you put as much toward debt as possible (especially revolving debt) and do NOT charge anything anymore. Whatever you do though, do this as a couple so that both of you are on the same page. If you don’t agree on how finances should be handled, why don’t you go online and find one of those budget calculators or worksheets (I know that there are many out there that are free), or one from your computer software. Because these typically list all of the typical household expenses, you are less likely to miss things.

Remember, when you are making a budget, you are writing down facts and figures, not emotions. Once you have all the expenses for each person in the family as well as all your other bills down on that worksheet, take a good honest look at it. Can you find areas to back off on spending or eliminate altogether?

I can tell you now that the answer is YES, you just have to truly ask if each item is really a necessity or if it is simply a standard of living thing. So often we get caught up in the culturally and socially acceptable “needs” that we aren’t looking at things realistically.

Don’t play the Blame Game. The blame game is an easy habit to get into when it comes to finances. I have seen many couples go back and forth about who’s fault this or that is. None of us want to feel responsible, so we find a way to pin it on the other person. While there may be times when we make mistakes and spend too much on something, if it isn’t intentional to keep it from one another, we need to simply forgive and go over the budget again.

Don’t make larger purchases without the other knowing. This seems rather basic, but it can get out of hand if we aren’t careful. Little things here and there that are not revealed can add up to big things. Does this mean that hubby can’t go have a quick lunch when he needs to during a workday – NO! What it means is that you need to know your budget and spending needs for your family and once you have communicated that, set a limit and say that everything that needs to be spent over that amount outside of weekly budget will be discussed prior to purchasing. For many families, that amount may be as low as $50 for others it may be a lot more.

Know where your finances stand on a regular basis. It is not uncommon for one spouse to be more administratively minded and handle the finances. In our case, I’m the one that handles this, for the administrative reason, but also because I’m the one that is home as well as the more frugal and main shopper out of the two of us.

Non-emotional communciation and problem solving is the key. If you are in financial turmoil, or even just having a moment of financial difficulty, sit down and talk it through as a couple.

If an extra expense comes up, as it is likely to do, just go back to your budget and figure it out.

Not everything is going to be easy or cut and dry, and there isn’t an obvious solution to every financial problem. What an excellent opportunity to pray together as a couple and trust God with this huge area of your lives.