Since I am a parent of a child who has had severe difficulties fitting into the public education system I have a few rather strong feelings on this matter and today I’m speaking out from my perspective.
Please note: This post is solely from what I have learned as a parent of a child who has learning disabilities but who was labeled by teachers at a young age as having ADD and them not wanting to investigate further but instead immediately wanted him on meds. So I will talk quite a bit about ADD/ADHD and learning disabilities… if you already know your child’s diagnosis, this post isn’t for you.
There are two things I want to say right off the bat that all parents MUST understand about this subject:
Not all children with focus or behavioral issues in the classroom have ADD/ADHD… in fact only some of them do, and typically many of the children who are exhibiting ADD/ADHD tendencies have something else going on that’s triggering it.
You are always the parent and ultimately YOU are responsible for the choices made in their education… do NOT let them take this away from you.
If you get no further in reading this, please take those two facts into consideration when thinking of your child who’s struggling in school.
Now, I’m going to say right here and now that I am directly speaking to parents of children who are struggling in school and feeling the weight of pressure from teachers and other school authorities who are often demanding the child be tested and medicated. I am not saying that all school authorities are this way, nor am I saying there are not a few true cases of ADD/ADHD, but this post is definitely going to challenge some of you.
Labeled
In my own experience, from 3rd grade on my son was labeled. He was a very well behaved young man, but would often be found daydreaming during class and his teachers decided that this lack of focus purely meant that he needed to be tested for ADD/ADHD.
Being his parents and knowing that this truly isn’t an issue, we were stunned, appalled, confused and frustrated. After all, we had shown up to this meeting as a simple parent/teacher conference and ended up entering a room filled with 6 people at a table all ready to state a case before very unsuspecting parents.
Unfortunately this is not the last time that we were met with this situation, it happened again in 7th grade where yet again we were caught off guard, only this time our son was in presence as each teacher got to take a turn raking him over the coals and telling him how horribly he was doing. This my friends is completely and totally unacceptable and is NEVER to happen!!!
The Unexpected Conference
This type of conference is unnerving and totally unexpected usually, and the teacher is definitely in the wrong in this situation as it is not appropriate for them not to let you know in advance that there are concerns and that more people will be attending the meeting. If you find yourself overwhelmed you definitely have the right to address them all and state your surprise and even to stop the meeting and reschedule it if you would like.
If your child happens to be there when you enter a conference like this, I strongly advise that you completely stop the meeting for at least long enough to take your child out of the room (or if they are too young to sit outside the door, definitely stop the meeting completely and reschedule it). This is not the appropriate place for a child to be, as typically they are discussed like a common item, not as an individual.
Handling Demands
Frequently you’ll be told that your child is showing signs of being ADD/ADHD to different levels. It seems that if a child does not perfectly fit into the school’s educational box it is immediately assumed that there is something wrong with them. No attempt is made to work with the parents to see if this has come up in the past, nope, these employees who often have only had your child for a short time apparently are able to see what you and your child’s doctor cannot after years of knowing them.
That said, what exactly do they expect you to do if you do find out your child is ADD/ADHD? Medicate them immediately. That, my friend, would be such an unfortunate conclusion to the situation.
Keep in mind that anyone can be diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, especially children so doing a little research could be of so much benefit to you all.
Making the Choice
You are the parent and you know your child. No one can usurp that authority or even call it into question (though often they will imply they can). There are so very many possibilities for what’s going on with each individual child. But that’s just it, they are an individual and MUST be treated and diagnosed as such.
Having them tested for true learning disabilities and things that contribute to learning difficulty… memory, processing, perception, dyslexia, vision, allergies, and so many more. There are so many things that contribute that many do not take into account. Certain allergies or even reactions to medications, for instance often manifest themselves as ADHD, sometimes even look like severe ADHD but still truly is only the allergy.
My son’s “focus” issues came from not understanding what the teachers were teaching him and it was his way of dealing with the humiliation of feeling stupid. It was a warning sign that he wasn’t able to grasp the way they were teaching him, instead the teachers all wanted us to mask that sign by giving him medication to make him focus (something that to this day makes no sense to me at all).
But How do I Know?
By now, many of you may think I have no use for public education, or for teachers, but that is absolutely not the case. Through the years our children have had many amazing teachers and we have cherished those and thank them repeatedly for their ability to see through the “problems” and find creative solutions.
What I do find myself repeatedly having to help other parents with is the reclaiming of their authority over the decisions made in respect to their children. No educational system or teacher will ever know your child as well as you do.
Most parents out there want the very best for their child, know their child very well by the time they start school and that cannot and should not be taken away from you at any point in their education. As you are the one that knows your child best, it is your knowledge and decisions that should be deferred to in the midst of any problem that may arise.
Facing problems… behavioral, learning or otherwise… isn’t always the most fun part of parenting, but taking control of the situation, facing the issue head on to come to an informed decision is that best thing you could ever do for your child and their future. The results aren’t always what we like, and a lot of the time it requires a lot of time and effort on our part (far more than you may think possible in fact), but the rewards for finding a clear solution are absolutely priceless.
How do you know? You just do, this doesn’t mean that the issue is immediately resolved, but so many of the things presented to you may feel just plain wrong… pay attention to that feeling, a mother’s intuition can go a very very long ways if followed carefully.
If they tell you that they think your child has ADD and you research it and find yourself having to admit that your child does in fact show many of the symptoms of ADD, research further into allergies, nutrition (way too often overlooked as a very obvious possibility) and the plethora of proven treatment options (many of which do not include formal medication), you will know along the way that you are making the most educated decision for YOUR child’s individual needs!
Do your research, exhaust every avenue, make medicating and extreme diagnosis a last resort and always be confident in the fact that you were given this child … to protect, grow, instruct, love and nurture!!!!!
