I was that mom, the one that cringed every single time someone, who knew things were challenging for me in life, told me that someday I would miss it. I never said a word to them in reply, I kept my thoughts and opinions to myself, but without fail I always thought “there’s no way I could possibly ever miss this!”

I look back and realize that although there are phases and stages that I didn’t enjoy at all and truly won’t miss, to say that I would never miss them being young, was so very very stupid of me. I knew it then, in a way, despite my disliking being told that, but now it’s happened.

To the young moms who are like me, and cringe when people tell you that… or worse yet, you spit it back in that person’s face with some kind of response, I urge you to be careful. For it is those very things, the ones we refute and deny the most, that will inevitably come back to bite us in the rear. It’s just a fact of life.

Reality Check, a little perspective.

To those who adamantly think that you will not miss this, I challenge your perspective. There are many many parents out there today who would give anything to be able to hold, speak to or see their child again.

It shouldn’t take tragedies like the Sandy Hook school shootings or yesterday’s tornado in Oklahoma, that wiped out an elementary school, to remind us that life is fragile, and we need to hold onto every moment we are given. Saying you won’t miss them is way too big of a risk, and such a slap in the face of parents who have lost their precious children, and would give absolutely anything in the world to be in the position you’re in.

I can tell you with absolute certainty that you would miss it if they were gone, taken from you, never to be seen again. You would miss it if this was the last moment you got to see them, hold them, touch them, hear their voice and yes, even hear them scream from the next room throwing the latest tantrum. If you want to say that you wouldn’t, I think it’s time you got a little perspective in life.

And yes, I am just as guilty of  it as anyone else, except now I have somehow crossed over and have discovered that I actually do miss certain things from when my guys were younger!

To the admonishers….

Now, I do want to say right here and now… if you are one of the women who find it necessary to “encourage” other moms by telling them they will miss this, you may also want to consider refraining, because all it does is cause frustration, confusion and often a stubborn denial on the part of the younger mother. You and I both know that one day we will all miss our “babies”, it isn’t a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. But to the young mom who is going through challenges in parenting or finds the current stage in her life to even be a nightmare, these words are not going to be taken kindly.

It’s not the child’s fault!

As I said, I was the mom that denied it, one of the ones who refused to allow those words to even completely register in my head, because there were a few years where life felt like a living hell for me. But the thing that I realize, and want other moms going through that to understand, is that it is not our kids’ fault. They are part of our lives, they may be having a difficult time but we are their parents, they cannot control us. More often than not it’s circumstances in other parts of our lives, or occasionally it’s the difficulty of dealing with a child with special needs.

We are in control of how we handle it!

Not one of us is immune to challenges that are uniquely prevalent during the younger parenting years, but each of us has a choice how to handle it. I can guarantee you that yes, you will miss your children being young. You may even cringe at yourself when you realize it for the first time, I did. That feeling of “Oh no! It’s not possible is it?” Yep, it will happen. The question is, what will you do in the here and now to help get through with less trauma and stress?

If you’re saying you won’t miss it, I have to assume you’re enduring a difficult and traumatic time. It happens and yes, sometimes circumstances are out of our control, but our attitudes and intentions toward our children are always completely within our control.

Get answers, seek help.

I’m not going to get into the pressures of current cultural mindsets that do tend to make it seem like your options are more than limited. I am simply going to say that you need to search for the right answers for yourself, and not buy into anything that you are simply told, by people who do not live with your child day in and day out. Don’t believe everything they say or jump through every hoop that is suggested to you without doing your own research and investigation first, and making an informed and educated decision on whether it’s right for you or your child.

If you’re struggling with a special needs child, get help. It’s not easy, I do understand that, but you need to bring in people who can help you spend time where you can refresh mentally, physically and emotionally. It is essential that you be able to see things clearly day to day to make the best possible decisions and enjoy your child as much as possible.

If you are struggling with depression yourself, get help. Again, it’s not easy, but seek counseling and remember that you have to get healthy to help your family! It’s easy for moms to put ourselves on the back burner and take care of everyone else first, but there’s two problems with that…

1. If you’re not healthy you cannot properly care for those around you.
2. They watch you and learn by your example, what is your daily life teaching your children?

We all struggle sometimes!

You’re not alone! I am just as guilty as anyone else, of letting myself go in so many ways. But we all need to remember to focus on people not things. Don’t get caught up in the “should’s” or the pressures of the world around you to do and be everything you are not. I know I say this a lot but seriously people, at the end of our lives we do not take those things with us.

What are you leaving behind? Things, wealth, prosperity? or Love, faith, friendship and a legacy that will live on after you’re gone? Which do you want?

Make good things happen and don’t bother saying you won’t miss this… there will always be parts you’ll miss later on so it’s pointless to deny it.

Focus on what you can do to make now better, so that tomorrow you look back and smile about today!

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