Our boys love to talk to us, some of them more (ok, MUCH more) than others. Today as I was checking email my little Bug came up and stood right next to me.

Bug: “Mommy look.”
Me: “uh huh sweetie” (not really paying attention)
Bug: “Watch me Mommy, watch me” (in his happy little voice)

At that moment a light bulb went on. Not only did I realize that I needed to drop everything right then and there and listen to one of my little 4 year olds, but I also realized that we all need to be noticed.

Whether we realize it or not, there is a definite need to feel like you are important to someone in life. As a mom, I need to recognize those great moments to offer my boys my undivided attention.

Not only is this good for their emotional well being, but it also shows them how much I love and respect them as a human being. It’s something they crave… it’s something we all crave… and for now it’s something that they mainly receive from mommy and daddy.

Down the road though, I can only hope that our example of showing them love through these moments of undivided attention will also make them realize just how much that need can be filled by turning to God.  Without Him, that and many other needs we have as humans will never be filled, we will always feel empty, never satisfied.

With 5 brothers to contend with my children definitely have to learn to share the spotlight (so to speak). But among all the other little ways I can show them how much I love them, I’m honored to get the opportunity to spend a few moments getting a glimpse into their little brains by just listening.

The heart…

The heart begins beating less than a month after conception and continues (of course) until the day of our death. It is one of the most incredible muscles of the body and was perfectly designed.

It is what we refer to not only for it’s technical life giving aspect, but also in regards to relationships, love, feelings, and much more. I guess you could say that much of our lives rotate around the heart.

When the heart begins to fail… both physically and relationally it is a major wake up call. In the physical aspect we have been thrown a few curveballs lately.

As we begin to tackle a major heart condition with my Father-In-Law as well as a problem with high blood pressure for my husband it has made me think about the relational side of the heart as well. For my husband, we are hoping that a simple diet change will solve the issue. For my father-in-law however, many tests and at least one surgery are staring him in the face.

Through it all I have realized how easy it is to let things go. Not just physically, but relationally as well. I love my husband more now than I did the day we were married, 17 years ago. But I’m realizing that even I have been very lacking in the romance department (I know…gasp!).

When we were first married I told him I loved him all the time, kisses weren’t few and far between. So many years later I know we have fallen into that comfortable place of just dwelling, living life day to day and not realizing that we don’t say how we feel out loud very often anymore.

So, I will continue on with what needs to be done in our now even busier every day lives, but with a little reminder of the importance of sharing the other matters of the heart as well.

One day at a time.

One adventure at a time.

One child at a time (ok two in the case of the twins).

One moment at a time.

Breathe.

Sometimes being a mom feels like a balancing act. Ok, a lot of the time. There are little lives in our care and we are totally responsible for the health and well being of those little people (or not so little as the case may be).

I can’t tell you how many times that thought alone has overwhelmed me. I in my totally fallible humanity, have been put in charge of the lives of 6 boys. To help shape and form who they become and to prepare them to enter society when they get to that age as a socially responsible person. WOW!

As if that isn’t enough, our culture has us hopping to and fro. One activity turns into two then there’s the next season close on it’s heels or overlapping completely.

Breathe.

As another school year quickly approaches we find ourselves in a muddle of activity that sometimes may cause us to lose sight of what we are really doing here. So fellow mommies…. it is time to stop and breathe!

Feel better? Yeah, I thought so. Don’t run off yet, I’m not quite done.

I would like to encourage you to stop throughout the day each and every day and … yep, you guessed it … breathe. Why? you may ask. Because as you take that moment to breathe, I want you to also remember what you are doing as the mom of the children you have been given to parent and raise.

Not the purpose that the world and our culture tells you to live up to.  But rather the purpose that boils down to simply being a mom and raising your children.  What does that mean to you?

I am asking a few questions today… these are questions that I also ask myself a lot lately and some of them may not be easy to answer but I think you will find the challenge refreshing and possibly eye opening.

If you would like to leave a comment and answer these questions, you are welcome to of course, but the point is to simply get you thinking “outside the box”. I will leave you with one last question…

What legacy do you want to leave with your children? This can apply to how you parent, your goals in parenting, the kind of person you hope to help your child become, or any number of things. Just don’t forget to cherish each moment, and breathe.

So here’s the bottom line:

Living the Truth is not at all about being religious…it is so much simpler than that. Christ didn’t walk around beating everyone over the head…it’s so important to remember the genuine, human nature of his life. His love and acceptance of the people that so many saw as unclean and the ultimate sacrifice he made for all of us…regardless of our shame, regardless of our past, regardless of our future.

My Pastor had so many stories and amazing illustrations through the years…they truly were incredible. But there’s one simple thing that I will always have ingrained in my heart and mind. God doesn’t ask us to come to him clean.

We don’t have to wait and get our lives all cleaned up before we come to Him…which really is a good thing considering that so many of us would never be able to stand before him if that was the case! The simple act of Accepting, Believing, Committing is all it takes. Yes, really.

I always have to laugh at those who say that Christianity is so limiting and stuffy and you don’t get to have any fun because there are so many rules.  Simply put…it is Freedom. Pure simple freedom. Freedom from so many things. Sure, we are all still human and totally fallible creatures. We will fall again and again and again….and he’ll be there, waiting for us…every single time!

Faith isn’t complicated. When you allow faith to stay simple (after all, it is simply a relationship between you and God), it’s like taking a huge refreshing breath outdoors on a gorgeous sunny day. I know of no other way to describe it, but when you allow Him to just “hang out” with you, you’ll know a peace like no other.

I know that there’s so much more to it than this, but really, when you think about it, living faith every day and having a simple relationship with God is all it takes. I just wish everyone could understand the true heart of God and I wish there were more Pastor Tom’s in the world to touch and influence those very lives that need to know this truth.

The reason for this post:

Last Thursday, May 20 2010, my Pastor, one of  most amazing men I have ever known, passed away. This news was so difficult in a way because it was sudden and I felt (still feel) that we lost him way too soon. When I was 12, my family began attending Pastor Tom’s church, I was so greatly influenced by him and continued to be even now, since he was again the pastor of the church my family attends.

There was always something about him, a kind and gentle demeanor…but there were so many other assurances that you felt…didn’t need to be told, you just knew…peace filtered through the room, just there like a calming breeze. You felt welcome, you felt loved.  In a way I would describe it as feeling like God was always there too, just hanging out in the midst of us all, telling us He loves us.

His son Andrew and I were the same age, and grew up through Jr High and High School together. We hung out a lot because we had so many mutual friends and I am honored to know him to this day. But when we were all grouped as friends, you got to see the Dad side of Pastor Tom. He lived it people…each and every day, in a real and genuine way.

To be someone who could show the love of Christ so completely through my life is something I feel like I could only hope for, but he did it.

Although his passing is so sudden to us and we are saddened to have lost his amazing leadership and teaching, we do realize that it was no surprise to God and that He has a greater plan.

He leaves behind an amazing wife and 4 great kids (all grown + 8 grandchildren). I cannot imagine what they are going through!  Andrew in particular has a difficult road ahead of him. He too is a pastor and they have been in the process of handing him the reigns for a few years now. The difficult part is, Andrew is grieving for his father and his pastor…all while an entire community (several communities in fact, so great was his ministry and the lives he touched) is grieving as well and would normally turn to him.

If you have ever had anyone so greatly influence your life…especially spiritually, you will understand how great a loss this seems to be. Pastor Tom helped me to understand who Christ really was is and that He loved loves me for who I was am regardless. Yesterday, today and forever.

I can only dream of having that kind of impact on another person…even just one.

Through the years, there have been plenty of times I have seen religion get in the way of the truth, interpreting the scriptures to it’s own benefit, cause or prejudice…instead of absolute truth. I am very blessed to have had Pastor Tom all these years in my life, viciously and adamantly protecting his people.

Today I was wondering how best to honor the life of my Pastor and I honestly believe that sharing the very essence of what I learned from him (though I will not do it any justice) would honor him the most.

Final Note:  This post was born of a desire to honor a true man of God who influenced too many lives to count (honestly, I have no idea how they plan to fit us all into a church…even a large one). I spoke simply, from my heart just the basic thoughts. Tonight was not a post on theology, just a simple relationship with Christ.

As many of you know, we have had our fair share of sleep problems with the twins. They still end up in bed with us at some point in the night more often than not. I cringe to admit that because I honestly never thought that would be the case for me since my older children slept through the night so well.

The last few nights however, they have stayed in their bed through the night. But we are finding them to be particularly quirky. They don’t lay one way, they like to sprawl out all over the place. They share a full size bed which is plenty big for the two of them, but they do not want to go to sleep in it without a brother with them. Tater gets the privilege of joining them to sleep each night, but he does so happily and it works out for all concerned.

All of our children are very different of course, but several of them will have this or that similarity. Three of our children are particularly imaginative and have very interesting dreams. They are the most likely children to have nightmares as well, so much of the twins’ sleeping problems could likely be linked to if they are going through a fearful stage that’s being reflected in their dreams. Either way though, every morning the twins get up early and the first thing they want to do is tell us all about the dream they had the night before.

Sometimes these dreams are absolute doozies, sometimes they are fairly simple. But you can always expect a simple run down of a dream from Bug and a long drawn out step by step story from Monkey.

I love watching my kids sleep. They may drive me crazy sometimes, but watching them sleep is peaceful and quieting. Sometimes Monkey will cry a bit in his sleep before I go to bed and I’ll go in and stand near him to calm him. Then I’ll just watch a while.

So today it’s about finding the quiet peaceful sleepy moments that amaze me about my kids. And even though they cry in the night sometimes, or go wild during the day, each one is so uniquely amazing and wonderful.

Life is such an interesting complex mix of events isn’t it? We’re still dealing with far too many illnesses and injuries to count, but i’m trying to also find the fun little things mixed in. This has been a huge challenge for me as the natural course of things when you are in the midst of depression is to see the negative and feel overwhelmed.

That said though, I am definitely trying to make a purposeful attempt at finding at least one good or funny thing each day. To move out of a state of negativity for even a little while and remember all of the blessings and happiness we can have in life if we only put our minds to it. Attempting to get myself into a holding pattern of sorts that includes positivity each day.

Seeing these things in the past hasn’t usually been much of an effort, just a natural course of each day in life, but that was before depression overcame me. I still don’t love sharing about it much but it’s a huge part of what i’m dealing with in life right now so although I won’t focus on it, I’m also not going to pretend it doesn’t exist.

I would love to move past this, to suddenly feel normal again and go on with life like depression never entered the picture. But I’m still on this road of overcoming and it’s a process I cannot avoid or dismiss. Finding the little things in each day is a small step for me to see the brightness and beauty of life again.

Again, although that’s something that was everyday 6 months ago, it’s an effort now. Finding humor in the crazy things the kids do and say… yeah, trying to get that back too. If you are dealing with any form of depression or feeling overwhelmed, I’d like to encourage you to consider taking this approach as well.

Throughout the day remind yourself to look around and find something good, allow yourself to be amused by something that happens or spend a moment doing something fun to make a good thing happen in each day.

I hope and pray for continued blessings for all of my readers and would like to thank all of you who have offered me such wonderful support and encouragement as I move forward and leave depression behind.

Yep, it’s been a few weeks since I’ve shared a song that is speaking to me, here’s this weeks though. Safe by Phil Wickham from his album Heaven & Earth.  I hope it blesses you today.

Life isn’t perfect. We live in an imperfect world filled with imperfect people and things. That is just the way it is. We all have to come to terms with that sooner or later in order to move on and enjoy life despite it’s imperfections.

As a mom, one of the most difficult parts of life is the fact that we cannot always protect our children from illness, injury and emotional hurt.  I’ve talked about this difficulty before, primarily in reference to the emotional horror of my oldest son’s schooling. But lately it has been injury and illness that have me completely baffled.

We now have a new record for most stitches (for a child) in our home. Little Monkey recently injured the bottom of his big toe at his grammy’s house and ended up with 8 stitches.  He still walks with his foot a little sideways to keep pressure off it and the skin around the injury is peeling like crazy, but it is healing and his stitches are out.

That was the conclusive event for a string that has been going on for a few months illness then injury, illness then injury… repeat.  We all know that when illness starts around here we have no idea how long it will take us to get it out of the house.

I found myself falling deeper and deeper into depression in the middle of all of this. Something that I have only experienced temporarily in the past became a part of daily living for months on end.  Even though I knew I was falling into an abyss, I let it go… I am the mom after all and I must care for everyone around me first… right?

There has to be balance, we cannot be moms who only take care of others and we cannot be moms that only think of ourselves first. We must ensure that we are healthy (mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually) in order to properly care for our family and we need to do that in a balanced way.

It’s a tricky requirement that many of us at one point or another fail miserably at.  I did, and I’m still trying to come out of the fog. I’m very fortunate to have family around me that noticed what was going on and went out of their way to make sure that the problem was addressed and a resolution found.

I don’t like posting about things like this. I like for you all to know that I am an imperfect human, just the same as the next guy over but I also like to leave all of you with hope and encouragement. Today though I find myself with only one question to ask…

Do you ever feel like a failure… as a mom, in your home?

I think in everything that I’ve been working through lately that’s the one thing that has been the most difficult for me to face.  I’m reminding myself (please take this encouragement for yourself if you answered yes to that question) that I too am an imperfect woman living in an imperfect world with a family filled with other imperfect people.  But because of the grace and mercy of God, I have a ‘hope and a future’.

My new favorite Christmas song!!! Sung by Audrey Assad on Chris Tomlin’s new Christmas album, Glory in the Highest.

This is another song that I’ve been listening to a lot lately. In the middle of a crisis I hope and pray that I will sing this song!