As you can imagine, life with my Twinky Dinks (aka. twins) in school has been interesting to say the least. Through the years I have given you all tiny little hints into the reality of life with them, but the full truth… well, I may have underestimated your ability to handle it. I apologize!

In an effort to bring life with my particular brand of twin sons to full light I hereby promise to tell you the whole truth… you have been warned.

As the expectancy of Christmas is fully upon us and this is the last week of school till the new year, life in our household has been buzzing…

“Is it time to put the tree up yet?”
“Where is Santa?”
“Is it time to put the tree up yet?”
“What Christmas movie is on tonight mom?”
“Isn’t it time to put up the tree?”

Yes, the ability of children to suddenly focus on one thing when Christmastime is upon us is astounding!

For whatever reason however Bugs decided to have a few “moments” in school last week. We still are not quite sure what provoked his two day rampage into the abyss of naughtiness, but we are breathing a huge sigh of relief that this trip was so seemingly brief (ok so I’m holding my breath a little still until the week is over).

As I picked them up on Wednesday of last week (the reason I pick them up has yet to be shared with you… I’ll save that for another time), Bugs’ teacher took me aside briefly and shared with me that Bugs had  not had the best day (such a lovely way to say that they were naughty). In that moment fear of unknown proportions washed over me. All I could think is “Oh Please NO! ”

I know what they are capable of, I have seen the destruction and mayhem, I know the reality of twin abilities. This is why they are in separate classes in school. But I digress…

“Well, first” the teacher begins (again, I’m panicking as I realize if there’s a first that’s not where it stops… aaahh!), “I found him under his table breaking about 25 crayons into pieces”. Oh lovely! My son, the crayon torturer! Although I was mortified, it wasn’t as bad as it could be.

“Then, he decided to hide in the coat rack after reading group instead of coming back to the class.” O joy, a fugitive. This isn’t the first time but neither of them had decided to go roaming about the school for a few months so I had hoped we’d passed this phase.

Although neither of those issues is a huge infraction, they were the beginning of a 2 day spree where during the bus ride to school the next day he apparently decided his brother needed to be wailed upon. Hitting and other such nonsense ended with a trip for Mister Bugs to the principal’s office.

He’s 6. In the principal’s office. For beating on another child (yes it was his twin but STILL). SIGH

The worst part is, when I talked to him about it later and expressed my concern at the severity of his crimes over that two day spree, he then turned to his twin brother after I had walked into the other room and told him “well it’s your fault I hit you, you wouldn’t stop singing”.

SIGH again!

Now, just to clarify, I do not allow my children to go around wailing on each other, and blaming another person for one’s overreaction in life is absolutely unacceptable in our home. You own up to your mistakes, we deal with it, we all move on (hopefully).

Also, I honestly do not believe that any of my children have ever ended up in the principal’s office before. So, as with so many things in life with my twins, we have yet another glorious radiant first … that I desperately pray we will not be a recurring event!

Shoes should be a simple item, a daily part of your wardrobe, functional to protect feet from things on the ground and also keep them warm… right? Well, this is what I thought along with the fact that it’s a simple matter when you take them off somewhere they stay there or if you put them away, they don’t magically wander. Apparently I was wrong.

This shoe mystery has me beyond perplexed.. and annoyed!  It seems that despite our efforts, shoes magically move and wander away all by themselves (feel free to gasp).

This has been a dilemma for awhile, and yes, occasionally the little ones decide it’s fun to trudge around the house in Daddy or Big Brother’s shoes. But yesterday the Tweebs decided to have a “shoe fight” which I immediately attempted to put a stop to and made them go put all the shoes away.

This morning, I overheard Bugs explaining the shoe fight to his father, and when he was told that it’s not acceptable to have a “shoe fight” he simply asked, “but why not dad?” SIGH! Where did I go wrong?

A wandering shoe here or there would be ok, but the constant dilemma of no one being able to find their shoes (because yes, they have even tromped into my room and grabbed my shoes out of my rack several times for whatever reason) is enough to make this mom want to pull out her hair. In our tiny house there’s just not many places for shoes to simply vanish (though the mountain of laundry does look extra guilty this morning).

We have given the kids a few different places to store their shoes and as you can imagine, it can be challenging to keep just one or two pairs for each of our 6 sons in their current size.  Mornings in our active household can be absolute chaos and one missing shoe can actually make an entire day go south really fast.

I often wonder if I’m alone in this dilemma.

Thankfully, despite yesterday’s “shoe fight”, all the kids were able to easily find shoes this morning and happily frolicked in the icy outdoor weather for a bit before the bus arrived.  But the question remains, is there a solution for the Great Shoe Dilemma? If you know it please feel free to share it. If I discover it, I will definitely pass it on to all of you!!!

Photo © Joanna Zielinska – Fotolia.com

We knew the day was coming. The countdown to 15 1/2 years was ticking away. Then suddenly it arrived, and I had no excuse, I had to renew my driver’s license so it only made sense to take “the kid” with me to get his permit.

He was already enrolled in Driver’s Education locally and he had the form filled out and ready to go. I found myself asking one question so often those first few days,

How is it that our little children go from child to driver in only the time it takes to print out that little permit?

Suddenly they are expected (by all other drivers on the road) to go from child passenger to perfect driver the moment they get behind the wheel.

As a parent we likely dread the moment we hand the keys to the teenager, knowing that for the time they are behind the wheel we are not at all in control. I believe that this fact alone is the most feared part of letting our teen drive.

So, the prevailing question these days from most friends and family is… “How do you do it?”

I have to say it isn’t automatic. There’s no switch that gets flipped the second your teen has permit in hand that suddenly acclimates you as a parent to the idea of them driving… or that miraculously makes them know all the rules of the road.

I also wasn’t prepared to be just as much of a learner as he is. But as soon as he got behind the wheel it was sadly apparent that I personally had no idea what I was getting myself into. No one had prepared me for this, sure I drive, and I’m a conscientious driver, but that alone is not enough to prepare for the reality of a teen behind the wheel.

I’m sure that there’s information and articles out there, but it had never occured to me to look for them, it’s just part of being a parent isn’t it? Sometimes I forget that although there isn’t technically an instruction manual I’m not alone.

So for those of you who might be like me and not think to look for an article for the parents of a teen driver I’m going to be presenting some tips here and there and right now offer you a license to LOOK IT UP for yourself, go ahead and look online for articles and tips for the parents of new teen drivers!

To start, here’s my little step by step suggestion list:

Again, it’s all about taking each new step as the teen shows signs of being ready:

• Step 1: parking lots, rural roads, side streets
• Step 2: rural town, light traffic time of day, lots of instruction along the way
• Step 3: city, a little heavier traffic, a few more lights and lanes, again a lot of instruction
• Step 4: highway/freeway, parent uses most of the visuals when merging and switching lanes, staying on the freeway for one long stretch is ideal for the first few tries
• Step 5: more complicated roads and situations, helping the teen do their own checking for merging, turning, switching lanes, etc.
• You get the idea .

Also at the top of my “parent’s should know” at the beginning list:

Consider getting a “Learning Driver” sign for your car’s back window. Many Driver’s education programs will provide parents with something that they can use to alert other drivers that there is a teen driving your car, but in case yours doesn’t please consider investing in one of these signs for your car. Typically the drivers behind you will slow down and be more patient and understanding… otherwise they tend to ride the bumper, honk and be annoyed which also tends to stress out the teen driver.

Yes, this is a random post, but hey sometimes a girl just needs a little chocolate…. this has been one of those days. And I have to wonder if I’m alone.

The end of the school year is extra hectic this year and … well… as unhealthy as it may seem, a little chocolate sometimes is just what the “doctor” ordered.

Are there ever times you just feel like you need a little chocolate? Is there something else that you run to if you just want a quick pick-me-up moment?

This post was originally published on March 7, 2008, when the twins were just over 2 years old. It’s so funny to look back on this now, because I so totally remember it (though some of it is still painfully true).

Before we walk down memory lane, here’s a little visual then and now for you…(although I realized too late that the photos below are under the wrong child lol, so you’ll have to mentally flip flop them, in the top monkey is on the left and bug is on the right… on the bottom, bug is on the left and monkey is on the right…middle bottom photo lines up with the top photo perfectly however lol)…

Much Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth

I’ve never really told all of you about THE GATE that separates the front half of our little house from the back half.  It is my link to sanity, survival even if you will!  Crazy????

Maybe, but my blessed parents brought it to my house just before the Twinkies became mobile.  As much as I love the function of the gate, there are others in this house that do not – namely, the twins.  They think it is torture, pure unadulterated TORTURE!  I mean think of all the crazy, naughty creative things they could do at that end of the house.

Most of the time they are semi-ok with it being there when I’m busy in the room, but if I leave for even a second (which is all the longer I DARE stay out – goodness knows what they can accomplish with 5 whole seconds on their own – eek) they hang on it, wailing, screaming . . . oh the DRAMA.  Even when Daddy’s home, if they know I’m making dinner and they’re hanging out with him . . . they should be happy right???? NOPE, they are screaming, fussing, throwing themselves on the floor in indignation.

This gate is not a new feature in our home, it is not new to them at all, they are very familiar with the other side of the gate as well.  It keeps them out of the toilet and sink, off the kitchen counters and table and out of my laundry piles that they so gleefully love to toss about the room and mix together.  This is why they stay with me – at all times!

If you are with them long enough and know them well, eventually you will realize that to some extent the real problem lies with this . . . they do not like any type of boundary and have as a rule tried to climb over, through, around, under and beside any type of line we have set in their path.  They are the babies . . . HELLO!  Who do I think I am blocking their path from anything *gasp*????  I truly and honestly believe that is what they think about many things in life!

So if you ever pass my house and hear the aforementioned “Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth” please rest assured that it is only because I went to take care of a stinky diaper and it will stop in a few seconds.  Really it will . . . I promise!!!

I hope you have enjoyed this little trip down memory lane. I hope to start doing this weekly … well, far more often anyway.

Oh, and for those of you who are wondering exactly which parts I was referring to as “painfully true” even today… the Twinks still refuse to be boxed in by any boundaries of any kind. It’s simply unacceptable for them (in all their wise preschoolerness) to be bothered with any kind of rule or limit…. and so, it continues.

Do you ever find that there are times in life where you just have to keep pushing forward and it seems to go on and on?

I love that even though things may seem like an endless river (and often I find myself swimming against the current), eventually there is a destination.

The journey may be quick, it may be rough, it may even take forever, but eventually we will arrive.

And sometimes, we may not really know what the next pit stop in life will hold, but we simply just need to keep swimming!

Right now I’m just very busy swimming and contemplating what the next destination in my life will actually look like.

As the family goes through spring illnesses, I just keep swimming.

As we try to renovate certain aspects of the house that render it barely liveable, I just keep swimming.

As our oldest son goes through driver’s ed, I just keep swimming.

As our second son prepares for the beginning of a new journey into Jr. High, I just keep swimming.

As the twins prepare for Kindergarten, I just keep swimming.

I know, that there will be many destinations in life, right now though, I’m swimming along just trying to keep it all in perspective.

Today I had one of those moments. An epiphany if you will, about how vitally important friendships are as a mom. As I left my friend’s house after a very fun little party she was hosting it hit me…

This is what I have been missing. This is what I crave.

I love getting together with my friends. They absolutely are amazing women. Knowing them, they would probably look at me like I’m crazy for saying that and ask my “Why on earth would you say that?”.

They just are. It’s that simple.

To me they are amazing because in a simple few hours time at a small get together at one of their homes they blessed my day. It’s amazing what good friends can do to your outlook on life and especially on your outlook on motherhood!

We all go through seasons in life. There are seasons where it seems simpler to get together with friends. Maybe with children, maybe without, but for me that season isn’t in the here and now.

So I realized today that I have entered a season where I just might need my friendships more than ever but I need to actually make the time to get together with them.

My friends are not afraid to be real and honest about life, parenting, marriage… everything.  But I can always count on one very important thing… when I walk away from a conversation with them I feel blessed, uplifted, encouraged, refreshed!

This is healthy conversation!

We need those conversations ladies! The ones that are encouraging in your life as a mom, as a wife, and in so many areas of life. It really doesn’t matter if they all have as many children as I do (in fact, most of my friends have three or maybe four children), we all deal with many of the same issues.

Let the conversation continue!!!

The next thing I realized needs to happen is I need to take make the time to get together with them!!!!

For someone like me who is terrified of infringing upon another person’s time this can be a little bit of an undertaking. Calling up a friend to ask them to go out for coffee or dessert, etc isn’t as simple as that.

Ladies! Put aside yourself, the parts of you that are somewhat insecure, the parts that don’t want to intrude.  Keep in mind that the woman on the other side of this “would be” conversation is more often than not thinking the VERY SAME THING!

Make it happen. Get together with them in person.

If you are missing this very key ingredient in your life my friend, I encourage you to do a little soul searching. We all need to interact with women who we can have a healthy conversation with on a regular basis. These people speak truth and encouragement into our lives usually when we need it the most.

Although we can have very meaningful conversations on the phone, and in a few select cases that may be the best it’s going to get. But the point here is to actually physically get out and get together with this friend (or friends). Face to face.

If you don’t currently have a friend that is close to you in this way think about the women in your life that you have connected with, even on a very surface level. Just take the plunge and invite them out to coffee sometime.

You never know, she might just be a “kindred spirit”.

It has been an interesting week and a half around here. Yes, there has definitely been an absence of posts and for that I apologize but truly things have been a little crazier than normalIt has been an interesting week and a half around here. Yes, there has definitely been an absence of posts and for that I apologize but truly things have been a little crazier than normal…even for us.

A week ago Monday we had what I thought was a mild storm blow through. It was enough however to knock out power to our neighborhood. Power that wasn’t restored until Wednesday afternoon.

In the middle of all that Monkey got sick, fever etc. and as the dishes and laundry piled up around us it definitely created an interesting time. After working as quickly as possible to start making a dent in all of the craziness post-power outage, I was a little dismayed when Friday afternoon I got sick.

A stomach bug that wouldn’t leave me alone for the weekend and was oh-so-frustrating. Since I felt better on Monday I was looking forward to a week of getting things done for Thanksgiving. Well, apparently that was not to be, we have power, but we also have had no school since snow decided to fall and stay awhile.

So the last few days have been impromtu adventures of weekday family time and finding activities to entertain children while we can’t go anywhere and at least half of them are not well enough to go out into the snow to play.

There are times when we are powerless. Unable to do anything about our circumstances, not in control of what’s happening in our lives.

This strikes fear into the very essence of many people’s lives. Finding a way to remain calm and focused in the midst of powerlessness is definitely key.

I have yet to perfect this. I’m sure we all do, but trying to keep things in perspective does a world of good. Sure, there are moments of frustration, feeling overwhelmed, and even being downright emotional when life feels out of control.

But being powerless tends to make me evaluate two things rather deeply: Who is really in control? Am I thankful for what I have?

Often the unexpected comes in forms that we never could have anticipated. Both good and bad come from the unexpected, we just never know what we’re going to end up with.

What happens though when an unexpected turn of events in life that you think might be a blessing in disguise goes terribly wrong. This is not a fun reality when you’re going through it.

I can’t fix it.

When my youngest sis who just had her baby was close to her due date we found out that my other sis (also a writer here at A Frog In My Soup) was expecting. This was a surprise but we all felt it was a blessing at the same time.

She had just begun to enter her second trimester this week, a milestone in any pregnancy, but on Tuesday everything started going wrong. She went in yesterday for an ultrasound and found out that she was miscarrying.

This is such a horrifying experience for any woman, but she’s been through this before and although it’s been a very long time the terrible memories of her very first pregnancy began to surface again. Today she’s dealing with the loss of a baby, her family is dealing with the loss as well and my Princess (who is almost 11) is taking it oh so hard.

I can’t fix it.

I am her big sister. It’s always been my job to pave the way and make the path just a little easier. I can’t do that and it makes me feel a little crazy. I want to take away the pain and the hurt and the memories and … well just the whole situation.

But I can’t.

Loss comes in many forms and is always difficult. To all of you who have been through this I just want to say I’m sorry and that I sincerely hope that you had friends and family come alongside you and hold you up when you didn’t think you could stand in the hardest part of it.

If you are the friend or family of someone who has miscarried or is about to have a miscarriage and you know about it, be that person that is willing to be strong through the tough parts. I am hurting too, but my sister needs strong supporters right now.

I still can’t fix it for her, but I want her to know that I’ll be strong for her, that she can totally be real and be herself with me and that I am 100% available to her through this!

Please feel free to share your heart in the comments.

Not long ago, our Redbone Coonhound, Sadie, passed away. It was sudden and unexpected and very very challenging particularly for the youngest members of our family.

Dealing with death is never fun, explaining it to children in a way that is honest yet softened is definitely difficult.

Sadie was a playmate, friend, comforter and confidante for the Twinkies. We were forever finding her lounging on the couch with one of the Twinkies leisurely laying their head on her while they watched a show, or laying next to her fast asleep, or playing near her as she was the center of whatever imaginary play they had going on in that moment.

After all, she had been around since long before they were born, they had absolutely no idea that the day may come when she wouldn’t be around any longer. They thought she’d be theirs forever.

Although we knew they were close to her and loved her dearly, we were honestly a little shocked at how hard they took it when they found out she was no longer with us. It started with crying, very sad and pathetic little faces with pouty lips and tears streaming down their faces. My heart broke watching them mourn their beloved friend.

As the weeks went on, they would wake up in the morning and tell me how they had dreamed of Sadie and “mommy Sadie was alive”. They would tell others of the tragedy of her death whenever they could. The memory of their Sadie lives on in them and I’m sure it will for a long time to come.

Just a side note….

Recognizing their adoration for animals, we recently began thinking about getting another dog.  We are hoping and praying for just the right doggie to join our family, but I have to admit it’s challenging with some of the requirements of so many of the shelters.

It’s a little sad actually that they want you to go through so many evaluations and spend so much money when all you want to do is give a dog a good home.  I doubt I’m alone when I say that I’m just not up for home checks and a $400 adoption fee to prove myself. Just sayin’…..