Our boys love to talk to us, some of them more (ok, MUCH more) than others. Today as I was checking email my little Bug came up and stood right next to me.

Bug: “Mommy look.”
Me: “uh huh sweetie” (not really paying attention)
Bug: “Watch me Mommy, watch me” (in his happy little voice)

At that moment a light bulb went on. Not only did I realize that I needed to drop everything right then and there and listen to one of my little 4 year olds, but I also realized that we all need to be noticed.

Whether we realize it or not, there is a definite need to feel like you are important to someone in life. As a mom, I need to recognize those great moments to offer my boys my undivided attention.

Not only is this good for their emotional well being, but it also shows them how much I love and respect them as a human being. It’s something they crave… it’s something we all crave… and for now it’s something that they mainly receive from mommy and daddy.

Down the road though, I can only hope that our example of showing them love through these moments of undivided attention will also make them realize just how much that need can be filled by turning to God.  Without Him, that and many other needs we have as humans will never be filled, we will always feel empty, never satisfied.

With 5 brothers to contend with my children definitely have to learn to share the spotlight (so to speak). But among all the other little ways I can show them how much I love them, I’m honored to get the opportunity to spend a few moments getting a glimpse into their little brains by just listening.

One day at a time.

One adventure at a time.

One child at a time (ok two in the case of the twins).

One moment at a time.

Breathe.

Sometimes being a mom feels like a balancing act. Ok, a lot of the time. There are little lives in our care and we are totally responsible for the health and well being of those little people (or not so little as the case may be).

I can’t tell you how many times that thought alone has overwhelmed me. I in my totally fallible humanity, have been put in charge of the lives of 6 boys. To help shape and form who they become and to prepare them to enter society when they get to that age as a socially responsible person. WOW!

As if that isn’t enough, our culture has us hopping to and fro. One activity turns into two then there’s the next season close on it’s heels or overlapping completely.

Breathe.

As another school year quickly approaches we find ourselves in a muddle of activity that sometimes may cause us to lose sight of what we are really doing here. So fellow mommies…. it is time to stop and breathe!

Feel better? Yeah, I thought so. Don’t run off yet, I’m not quite done.

I would like to encourage you to stop throughout the day each and every day and … yep, you guessed it … breathe. Why? you may ask. Because as you take that moment to breathe, I want you to also remember what you are doing as the mom of the children you have been given to parent and raise.

Not the purpose that the world and our culture tells you to live up to.  But rather the purpose that boils down to simply being a mom and raising your children.  What does that mean to you?

I am asking a few questions today… these are questions that I also ask myself a lot lately and some of them may not be easy to answer but I think you will find the challenge refreshing and possibly eye opening.

If you would like to leave a comment and answer these questions, you are welcome to of course, but the point is to simply get you thinking “outside the box”. I will leave you with one last question…

What legacy do you want to leave with your children? This can apply to how you parent, your goals in parenting, the kind of person you hope to help your child become, or any number of things. Just don’t forget to cherish each moment, and breathe.

There comes a point in every child’s littlehood that they decide they shouldn’t take naps.   If I were content to leave it alone, none of my children would have continued to nap during the day into their third year.

The thing is, I’m not content to leave it alone.  That is the only time of the day where I get a few short minutes of quiet, rest and solid work time.  Even more though, I found right off the bat with boy number 1 is that although they may hit this “no nap” sometime when they are three, most of them weren’t truly ready to give it up permanently, it was merely a temporary thing.

Through all 6 of my boys they have been very varied in their napping.  Some of them nap until Kindergarten (and even then aren’t truly ready to give it up), others are definitely ready to move on to “rest time” at the age of 4.  None of them gave it up completely before that, though they may have tried.

The twins are now 3 1/2 and sometimes struggle with the nap thing…though sleeping has never been something they excel at (LOL).  My 6 year old (Sir Lion) on the other hand, who is in half day Kindergarten this year, still shows signs of definitely needing a nap a couple times per week.

Even if it seems like the end of napping is at hand, I really like everyone to have quiet time each day…even the bigger ones during summer break.  They don’t have to lay down of course, but I do ask that they keep their voices down, there will be absolutely no rough housing, and I encourage anything quiet: reading, games, playing quietly, etc.  They occasionally slip and get noisy, but for the most part, they reap the benefits of this arrangement too.  I really do believe that it is healthy for everyone to have some quiet in their day.

So the dilemma?  Like I mentioned the twins are terrible sleepers (Ok, so I put it nicely before, but let’s not be in denial here) and at 3 1/2 they are terribly difficult to get to nap.  Do they still need a nap?  Yes, all signs point to the fact that they are definitely not doing well without a nap.  So, as unruly as they are, I am trying now to teach them about “quiet time”.  You may play quietly or read quietly on your nap bed (they do NOT do well if they are in the same room at naptime), but you may not get up.

So, in the midst of my current dilemma which may or may not mean that my last children are done being nappers (sigh), here’s a little info I thought I’d share on the subject that I’ve learned over the years.

• Some children will go through stages of napping.  Just because they are having a difficult time napping right now, may not mean that they are done napping altogether, they may be ready again next week so keep up the routine.
• If your child is young and you don’t want them to give up napping completely, go into it like it’s a temporary thing, and continue with their routine.  They may simply lay in their crib hugging their cozy for the hour and a half they would normally nap, that’s fine.  This gives both you and the little one time to recouperate from the morning by having a little down time.  Some don’t go for this easily, and many a parent has given up after a few days thinking that there’s no hope.
• If you don’t want to continue trying to get your child to nap after a few days, that is entirely up to you.  But if you really do want to give it a fair shot, keep going every day and if nothing else, you will at least establish a routine.
• When do you know that your child needs to cut out or down on naptime?  If your child cannot get to sleep at night, they are restless when they do sleep or they wake up in the night unable to go back to sleep.
• When do you know that naptime is simply a challenge, but that your child still needs a nap?  For my children, it depended on the child.  But, by around 5 or 6pm (way too early), they would exhibit one or more of the following:  overly emotional (crying for no reason), mad at the world (crabby and angry at everyone about everything), rollercoaster emotions (laughing one minute, bawling the next – way more than usual even for the personality that does that), falling asleep in the car (especially if you go somewhere around dinnertime), bouncing off the walls (a couple of my kids get ultra hyper when they are tired – total oxymoron, I know, but they did).

I’m sure there are plenty of things I’m forgetting about, but that’s quite a bit for now.  Feel free to leave a comment with your naptime dilemmas, solutions or questions.  If you have a question, be sure to come back and check comments in a few days for an answer.

It’s been a while since I’ve done a “Conversations with A 3 Year Old” segment.  It’s honestly not that I haven’t had enough fodder for this section, just lack of time.  When Monkey was having endless conversations at bedtime (he was in bed, but had decided he shouldn’t sleep so he was talking to whoever would listen) the subject matter was quite fanciful.

First, he and Bugs were completely succeeding in the avoidance of sleep by having a conversation about astronauts.  I couldn’t completely pick up on the conversation except to hear Monkey say “astronaut” a lot.  I can only imagine that it might have had something to do with the fact that about a week ago he told me he would like to sleep on the Moon.  Well then.

After a while, since sleep was evading both of them in the midst of such deep conversations, we decided to separate them into different rooms until they fell asleep.  This did not deter Monkey from trying to make conversation though…instead he would either continue talking or tell us this or that.

At one point though, I hear…”Mommy, there’s an elephant in the tree!!!”

Me: “No Honey, elephants are too big to fit in a tree”

Monkey: “Noooo, look the elephant is right there in the tree, seeee?”

Me: “Seriously Monkey, no elephants will climb into our trees”

Monkey: “Well it’s there and we should get it out!”

End of conversation.  But he’s still not asleep.

Bugs on the other hand…the one that had been moved to another room is already out like a light.

If Monkey starts seeing Bears in our trees…then we might be a tad concerned…but I’ll save that for another time (mwahahaha).

As parents we have our fair share of trials and challenges with each individual child in our family.  I have to say though that the twins tend to top them all.  Sure, we’ve dealt with imaginative children before and we’ve also dealt with common childhood issues such as taking things that do not belong to you.  But when it is at the hands (or out of the mouths) of our twins, it becomes something entirely unique to any situation we’ve handled before.

Monkey took a toy phone from church.  I know…gasp!  He stole from the house of God for heaven’s sake!  His brothers were mortified (like none of them have tried).  He kept defending himself…”I didn’t steal from God’s house! I didn’t.”  After which, Bug would promptly tattle, “Monkey stole from God’s hooooouse.”  SIGH.

This continued for most of the ride home.  The funny part is that it’s a Tinkerbell toy phone and the older boys are simply having a little too much fun teasing him about the fact that he took a girls’ toy…in addition to the reminders that he stole from God.

This is one of those “un-fun” issues of parenting.  Dealing with behaviors and challenges that are potentially unpleasant or embarassing.  Thankfully, he’s three…and although I may have been horrified by his actions had he been my first or second child, I have been around the block enough to know by now that this is simply normal behavior and if handled correctly, it will pass quickly.

Does that mean he will never do it again?  No.

Does it mean that others will see it as a simple toddler thing to do?  It depends.

I’m not afraid of what others think.  This is a simple matter of teaching a child right from wrong.   He will quietly return it to his classroom next week and he will tell his teacher that he’s sorry for taking the phone.  And the lesson will likely need to be taught to him again.

It’s so much easier to deal with this issue in a child at the age of three than it is to handle with a child who is 10!  The price to be paid is so much higher for the older child and in some ways it can be an even more poignant lesson.  We’ll cross that bridge if/when we get to it though.

On the flip side, I had a shocking thought in the midst of all of this…let’s make sure we aren’t stealing from God either.  No, of course I don’t mean physical possessions.  I mean His purpose, will and plan for our lives can be something we take away if we refuse to listen to and follow Him, and that’s just one example of how we can take away from Him.

In some ways, we we continue learning the same lessons our entire life.  I think in our own way, even as adults you can see some of the exact same little child behaviors that we are much too big for, the only difference is that they are now aimed at our Heavenly Father.

This weekend we celebrated the 4th of July – Independence Day and I definitely have had that word on my mind.   One of the couples that came to our house on Saturday has a little 2 year old girl who is very independent…almost as independent as my Twinkies.  She spent the afternoon trying to explore everything from one side of our massive yard to the forest on the other side…and even the dirt in between.

She often found herself redirected or scooped up and hauled away though if she tried to touch anything, especially dirt or sand.   As the only child for this couple as well as the only grandchild for that entire family, she is watched like a hawk.  Her mom and dad are still trying to figure out this whole parenting thing and tend to see most things as potentially evil.

My hubby and I were talking about it later and were reminded of how very over-protective you are with your first child.  Not to say that you don’t protect all your other kids too, but it’s different.  With your first child, you’re protecting them from all the possible evils that may (or may not) exist…in your mind anyway.

Just wait though, it is exhausting to keep up the vigil day and night.  Then one day you realize that there’s nothing wrong with a little one sitting down in a pile of dirt and playing hard…even putting some in their mouth (GASP).  As a brand new parent with your first child, that is unthinkable and horrid!  After a while you do eventually realize that everything and everyone is not out to kill them.

Once you have more than one child, although you still watch them like a hawk, your attention is divided.  At that moment though, you begin to see them interact with their world through new eyes and it is an amazing process.  I daily watch as my very independent twins take on the world.  They do it with vigor and gusto and complete abandon.

They still (even at age 3) have no clue that life is fragile.  I have nearly had ten zillion heart attacks to prove their lack of fear.  For a while they were convinced that the reason they were not allowed to play in the front yard is because the road is THE funnest place on earth to play…and they were forever trying to sneak away to get to the road.

They are convinced that climbing a mountain is something that must be on their “to do” list.  They have been informed that they are welcome to climb the mountain…when they are as big as Daddy!  They discuss this at length every time we drive to my parents’ house.  They can clearly see a huge group of mountains as we get within 5 minutes of my parents’ place and the discussion begins…”Mommy, we’re going to climb the mountains.”  “Can we climb the mountain today Mommy?” “We have to be big to climb the mountain.” “Mommy, I’m bigger, can I climb the mountain?”….on and on it goes.

It’s probably a good thing that the Twinkies were our 5th and 6th sons.  If they had been our first, I think we would have lost our minds (LOL).  Independence is simply not something that is going to go away with them.  As they get older, they are going to be more and more independent, but in their case that will probably lead them into high mountains and deep oceans (you have no idea how much I’m not kidding here).  I will not at all be surprised if they choose lives of adventure as adults, particularly Monkey (though Bugs might be happy to tag along for the ride).

Independence can be good…or bad, it’s all in how we look at it and handle it (how’s that for a contradicting segue?).  If I try to stifle every ounce of independence I see in them, to keep them safe or out of trouble, they will rebel in frustration and I will be overwhelmed and frustrated too.  If I give them too much independence, they will not learn lessons that even at a young age can help them for life.

Of course, balance is SOOO the key here!  If I allow my children to be just independent enough, but still know their boundaries, they will see the world as an absolutely incredible place and it even opens up amazing opportunities for me to teach them so much more, especially about God and His creation.  It’s sometimes hard to remember to look at the world through the eyes of a child, but when we do, we can be much more effective as parents too!

You probably remember that I kind of left you hanging at the end of part one by not moving beyond the know it all “I have it all figured out” parent type, I really hated to do that, but the post got so long, it was just crazy.  If you didn’t read part one, be sure to take a peek at that one first.  Today, we’re going to continue on to see the  two types of parents styles that most of us fall into, as well as a few thoughts and resources…..

On a little more common level, we have the “I have NO idea what I’m doing” parents! I can totally relate to these parents, even though I technically fall into the next category, there are times in almost every parent’s life that you have an “AAAAAH” moment of panic where you don’t know how to proceed with a particular challenge or age while parenting. For those who fall into this category… in addition to serious prayer, I also recommend that you glean from a variety of parenting sources.

Be careful who you listen to though! You’re looking for balanced input, anything else is simply a waste of your time. You’re also looking for input that makes sense for the personality of your family. I believe that each family has it’s own unique personality that is going to be as absolutely unique as all the individuals that make up the family unit. Keeping this uniqueness in mind, your family will need a parenting approach that makes sense for you…not the family next door.

I’m also very sorry to say that if you happen to have a friend or family member that falls into the first group we talked about… well, guess what…yup, you’re going to have to distance yourself just a bit, especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed or discouraged by their “input”!!! This isn’t to make them or you feel bad, this is to make sure that you can find a healthy balance and system for your family.

Ok, so this brings us to the third group of parents…those who simply take parenting one day at a time. Even though these parents have definite plans and goals in mind for their family, they look to God each day for direction and remain open to His direction. This is a parent who is actively pursuing the best solutions for their unique family needs and structure, and who understands that over time, those needs change. And this is a parent who feels balanced and (for the most part) relaxed about parenting.

Yes, we only get one shot at this and that thought can be ABSOLUTELY terrifying, but we also realize that we are only human and we will make mistakes as parents. My husband and I definitely fall into this group. We know we are NOT perfect parents and we do NOT have perfect kids and (usually) we’re just fine with that. We also know that we do not have this whole parenting thing figured out, we can only make recommendations based on our observations and our personal experiences.

We are the parents who inwardly cringe and laugh at the same time when approached by others who say “Wow, with 6 boys you must really have this parenting thing down.” Our response to that statement (or the many variations of it) is simply this, “The more children we have the more we realize we don’t know about parenting.”

Just about the time you think you have it all figured out, you have another child and the “break the mold”. Sure, you realize each time you have a child that their personality is going to be different than your other child(ren), but sometimes you haven’t a clue just how extreme that difference can be.

So, I’d like to encourage you today to do your research, the first book I recommend is the Bible!  Parents really do need to start here, learning everything they can.  Pray before you read each day and I guarantee you won’t be disappointed.

If you’d like more information, there are many wonderful (and totally balanced) parenting resources out there for you to glean from. Check them out from your library, participate in them at your church or online. The key word here though is “glean”. You are never going to be able to use or implement 100% of a particular style or method, nor should you, so take the parts that you can use and go from there.

Have you read a parenting book or gone to classes that particularly blessed you as a parent? If so, please share that in the comments!!!

What is our favorite you ask? Well, in addition to the Bible (which I consider the ULTIMATE parenting handbook), the one that jumps out in my mind immediately is Parenting With Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility By Foster Cline & Jim Fay and Boundaries with Kids By Drs. Henry Cloud & John Townsend.  Since I’m on a roll, here are just a couple others…

• For great information on Strong Willed children and Learning styles look for anything by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias!
• Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Revised and Updated
  By Tedd Tripp
• Creative Correction
  By Lisa Whelchel
• A Woman After God’s Own Heart, Updated and Expanded Edition
  By Elizabeth George
• The New Strong-Willed Child
  By Dr. James Dobson

Well then, you’re in luck!  I have started offering some amazing articles and recipes over at The Moms Review!!!

You can find all the latest recipes HERE…and the best part is that I have at least 15 posting from now till the end of June.  Pretty much every category will be covered, from healthy foods to great desserts, breakfast, lunch, sides and snacks!  Right now you can get a great recipe for Whole Wheat Breakfast Scones and a marvelous Avocado Chicken Salad.

Be sure to subscribe to get all the latest articles, recipes, product reviews and giveaways delivered to you by email or in your favorite reader!

I mentioned articles, well, this month I’m focusing primarily on Gardening…organic, how to start one, gardening with kids and even how to create a sensory garden…fun, fun!  Obviously there’s no way I can fit all of that here, so be sure to check it all out and let me know what you think of all we have to offer over there .

Anyone who is a parent…and who’s willing to be honest…will tell you that parenting has no absolutes.  I’ve been a mom long enough to know that one positive result to a particular parenting strategy doesn’t mean that I’ve found the perfect method for all my children.

I remember when our first son was just a baby, most of our friends, and frankly, most of the young parents in our church, had all adopted one particular parenting method based on one person’s beliefs about children and how to raise them.  They used this method faithfully and revered this book almost like the Bible itself.  They had classes and discussions based on these methods as well.  My husband and I were the odd ones who didn’t follow this ritual of parenting.  We weren’t treated that way by our friends, but we knew the method would not work for us and frankly we felt that it was very unbalanced and that was not how we wanted to begin our career as parents.

Over the years, I have found that most parents typically fall into one of three parenting statements:

• I have it all figured out.
• I have no idea what I’m doing.
• Just taking it one day at a time.
  

Today, I’m going to talk about the “I have it all figured out” parent.

The “I have it all figured out” parents are ones who typically (a) haven’t had their baby yet or (b) have a very mellow easygoing baby/child.  Not all parents with easy babies fall into this category, but the ones who do feel this way unfortunately tend to share their “expertise” often.  They also do NOT understand that their child and parenting experience is the exception not the rule, and that most families simply cannot function or have the same results they have had.

Now, before I go any further with this one, I would like to clarify that the parents that fall into this group are SELF PROCLAIMED perfect parents.  Most of us know at least one family where the parents truly are an amazing example of great parenting…I can guarantee you these parents do not typically see themselves as perfect and it’s their humility that makes them even better with their kids.

The “I have it all figured out” attitude is actually a very dangerous one to have.   These parents tend to alienate a lot of the people around them.  Not only because of their superior attitude, but let’s face it, most of us want friends that are real!   We want friends who live in the same reality we do, with challenges in life and parenting, and who know they don’t have the most perfect child in the world.

If being alienated isn’t bad enough, the other danger with this attitude in parenting is that at some point…something, somehow, somewhere along the way (it may be when they have a second child, may be when they have a teen or adult child, or may not be until they have a grandchild) will NOT go according to this parent’s perfect history or plan.  Suddenly they will NOT have it all figured out and they will feel completely lost and often very alone.

Later this week, I’m going to publish part two of this post.  In Part 2, I’ll talk about the details of the remaining two styles of parents as well as some final thoughts and great resources.

In the meantime, which type of parent do you see yourself as?  Are there any parents you know that you look up to?  If so, why?

As the mom of boys I hear a lot of interesting conversations…sometimes between the boys and sometimes just one little boy playing imaginary play by himself.  Today it was the latter!

As I type this I’m pulling out a toy car and stamp from behind my back and it is barely past 7am.  The boys are all done eating, one is asking me where his shoes are (Salesman), one boy (Tater) is being the most annoying dog you can possibly imagine, and the Twinadoes have just declared that the bathroom is their secret office (yes, be very afraid).

But it’s the one that was just sitting next to me (Lion) that made me laugh.  As he held the stamp pad to his left ear (apparently it’s his secret agent ear piece) I heard, “Yes, you need to bring the jet pack.”  To which I responded, “but I don’t have a jet pack.”  He laughed at me and said “Not you silly!”

Well…I’m just so glad we cleared that up, because you know, it just isn’t on my mommies-list-of-items-they-must-carry-with-them-at-all-times agenda.

Now I must run and shoo a bunch of boys out of the bathroom before they throw something down the toilet and plug it up…again!