Ladies, today I’m going to challenge you with something that may be uncomfortable for some of you.

Do not parent your husband.

I could leave it at that and tell you to take what you will from it…and if that sentence is all you take away from this post, I’m great with that.

For those of you who need a little more explanation though, I’ll keep going.

It is absolutely not your job to parent, boss, reprimand or in any way try to tell your hubby how it is or how it is going to be. Especially in public.

Still with me?

It’s so important that we are respectful.  Does that mean that we cannot disagree with him?  Absolutely not.  But how we handle it is key!

What you say and how you say it most definitely reflects to others…whether it’s your children or other people around you.  You husband was created to be the leader of your home, that doesn’t mean he’s to lord over you, but to demean him is to remove that from him completely.

Some women may actually be thinking that’s a good thing, but I can promise you this…it will destroy many facets of your relationship and even your family structure.  I don’t have a technical explanation or a fancy mumbo jumbo name for it, it’s just the simple truth.

Yet another one of those things that are Biblically laid out for us…those are my favorites.  The kind of scriptures that tell us how to live and all we have to do is listen and things will go swimmingly.

and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping (Proverbs 19:13b)

Or maybe this one…

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)

Of course, I could go on and on…but I won’t. Here’s the deal though, these instructions are definitely NOT to belittle you, trap you, make you feel like the lesser mate. They are completely to protect you.

Can I just admit that when I mess up and am less than lovely to my husband I think it’s me who incurs the most damage in the end.  I don’t have a husband that will degrade me or return the action at all, but the look of hurt and the knowledge of what I have just done is horrible!

Can I just encourage you to focus a bit on how you are regarding your husband this next week, especially in public and in front of your children?  If you do mess up, simply ask for forgiveness (from your hubby and God) and move on.

I pray that your marriage is blessed!

I once was known simply as Shera.  The oldest of 3 girls (and later 2 brothers).  The girl with the unique laugh and who smiles a lot.  For the last 13 1/2 years though, my role has been defined more and more as a mom and less and less as Shera.

It isn’t uncommon for moms to lose a bit (or a lot) of  themselves along the way.  To suddenly find one day that most people know them as the mom of so-and-so, not knowing who we were before children or who we are when the children aren’t around.

As you reach this realization, you may feel many different ways, but many of us end up feeling a little lost.   It is also very common for moms who have suddenly “lost” themselves to begin the search…the search for “me”.

I’d like to suggest something potentially unique today…you can find yourself through motherhood, you just need to know where to look.  It really isn’t about going back and trying to reclaim who you were once upon a time, it’s about realizing that we all become different people through the years and we just need to redefine what it means to be the woman we are today (which may very well be defined primarily by my status as a mom) and understand that although this moment is fleeting it will define who we continue to become.

Your life isn’t over, you don’t have to achieve everything you dream of right now.  It’s ok to wait until your children are a little older to pursue those things that suddenly seem very important for you to do!  Being right here, but wishing I was over there is the angst of many moms…whether they are willing to admit it or not.  Just when that feeling becomes almost unbearable is the moment when we need to take a step back and re-evaluate why we feel that way.

I was shocked recently when I felt like I was trapped in my own motherhood.  Shocked!  All I ever wanted to do was be a mom…I chose to be a stay-at-home mom to completely raise them and instruct them…yet here I was, suddenly dissatisfied with “just” being a mom when I saw all that the other women were doing around me.

Wake up call:  What better thing in this world can I do?  As far as eternal value is concerned, I could not do anything better than to invest my time and energy into the 6 young men that I will someday send out into the world.  It’s what I’ve been called to do!  I have been given these children merely for a short season in life…though it may seem long to me now…and I must rise to the challenge!

If you are feeling particularly lowly in your role as a mom I hope you will feel encouraged by what I’m sharing here today!  I’m not perfect, I have huge gaping character flaws that I take before God  daily (when I remember…see flawed).

If you have stopped seeing motherhood as the greatest gift in your life and have started wishing you could be doing other things instead, it might be time for a reality check!  Here’s the bottom line…I can wait until next year or even 5 or 10 years from now to write that book, start that business or go on that trip!

Since God has given me this moment to be a mom, I guarantee that if I stop focusing on all I’m “missing out on” and start focusing on being the best woman I can be right now for my family, I’ll be able to do all the things in life that I could dream of ….and more!

You probably remember that I kind of left you hanging at the end of part one by not moving beyond the know it all “I have it all figured out” parent type, I really hated to do that, but the post got so long, it was just crazy.  If you didn’t read part one, be sure to take a peek at that one first.  Today, we’re going to continue on to see the  two types of parents styles that most of us fall into, as well as a few thoughts and resources…..

On a little more common level, we have the “I have NO idea what I’m doing” parents! I can totally relate to these parents, even though I technically fall into the next category, there are times in almost every parent’s life that you have an “AAAAAH” moment of panic where you don’t know how to proceed with a particular challenge or age while parenting. For those who fall into this category… in addition to serious prayer, I also recommend that you glean from a variety of parenting sources.

Be careful who you listen to though! You’re looking for balanced input, anything else is simply a waste of your time. You’re also looking for input that makes sense for the personality of your family. I believe that each family has it’s own unique personality that is going to be as absolutely unique as all the individuals that make up the family unit. Keeping this uniqueness in mind, your family will need a parenting approach that makes sense for you…not the family next door.

I’m also very sorry to say that if you happen to have a friend or family member that falls into the first group we talked about… well, guess what…yup, you’re going to have to distance yourself just a bit, especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed or discouraged by their “input”!!! This isn’t to make them or you feel bad, this is to make sure that you can find a healthy balance and system for your family.

Ok, so this brings us to the third group of parents…those who simply take parenting one day at a time. Even though these parents have definite plans and goals in mind for their family, they look to God each day for direction and remain open to His direction. This is a parent who is actively pursuing the best solutions for their unique family needs and structure, and who understands that over time, those needs change. And this is a parent who feels balanced and (for the most part) relaxed about parenting.

Yes, we only get one shot at this and that thought can be ABSOLUTELY terrifying, but we also realize that we are only human and we will make mistakes as parents. My husband and I definitely fall into this group. We know we are NOT perfect parents and we do NOT have perfect kids and (usually) we’re just fine with that. We also know that we do not have this whole parenting thing figured out, we can only make recommendations based on our observations and our personal experiences.

We are the parents who inwardly cringe and laugh at the same time when approached by others who say “Wow, with 6 boys you must really have this parenting thing down.” Our response to that statement (or the many variations of it) is simply this, “The more children we have the more we realize we don’t know about parenting.”

Just about the time you think you have it all figured out, you have another child and the “break the mold”. Sure, you realize each time you have a child that their personality is going to be different than your other child(ren), but sometimes you haven’t a clue just how extreme that difference can be.

So, I’d like to encourage you today to do your research, the first book I recommend is the Bible!  Parents really do need to start here, learning everything they can.  Pray before you read each day and I guarantee you won’t be disappointed.

If you’d like more information, there are many wonderful (and totally balanced) parenting resources out there for you to glean from. Check them out from your library, participate in them at your church or online. The key word here though is “glean”. You are never going to be able to use or implement 100% of a particular style or method, nor should you, so take the parts that you can use and go from there.

Have you read a parenting book or gone to classes that particularly blessed you as a parent? If so, please share that in the comments!!!

What is our favorite you ask? Well, in addition to the Bible (which I consider the ULTIMATE parenting handbook), the one that jumps out in my mind immediately is Parenting With Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility By Foster Cline & Jim Fay and Boundaries with Kids By Drs. Henry Cloud & John Townsend.  Since I’m on a roll, here are just a couple others…

• For great information on Strong Willed children and Learning styles look for anything by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias!
• Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Revised and Updated
  By Tedd Tripp
• Creative Correction
  By Lisa Whelchel
• A Woman After God’s Own Heart, Updated and Expanded Edition
  By Elizabeth George
• The New Strong-Willed Child
  By Dr. James Dobson

Anyone who is a parent…and who’s willing to be honest…will tell you that parenting has no absolutes.  I’ve been a mom long enough to know that one positive result to a particular parenting strategy doesn’t mean that I’ve found the perfect method for all my children.

I remember when our first son was just a baby, most of our friends, and frankly, most of the young parents in our church, had all adopted one particular parenting method based on one person’s beliefs about children and how to raise them.  They used this method faithfully and revered this book almost like the Bible itself.  They had classes and discussions based on these methods as well.  My husband and I were the odd ones who didn’t follow this ritual of parenting.  We weren’t treated that way by our friends, but we knew the method would not work for us and frankly we felt that it was very unbalanced and that was not how we wanted to begin our career as parents.

Over the years, I have found that most parents typically fall into one of three parenting statements:

• I have it all figured out.
• I have no idea what I’m doing.
• Just taking it one day at a time.
  

Today, I’m going to talk about the “I have it all figured out” parent.

The “I have it all figured out” parents are ones who typically (a) haven’t had their baby yet or (b) have a very mellow easygoing baby/child.  Not all parents with easy babies fall into this category, but the ones who do feel this way unfortunately tend to share their “expertise” often.  They also do NOT understand that their child and parenting experience is the exception not the rule, and that most families simply cannot function or have the same results they have had.

Now, before I go any further with this one, I would like to clarify that the parents that fall into this group are SELF PROCLAIMED perfect parents.  Most of us know at least one family where the parents truly are an amazing example of great parenting…I can guarantee you these parents do not typically see themselves as perfect and it’s their humility that makes them even better with their kids.

The “I have it all figured out” attitude is actually a very dangerous one to have.   These parents tend to alienate a lot of the people around them.  Not only because of their superior attitude, but let’s face it, most of us want friends that are real!   We want friends who live in the same reality we do, with challenges in life and parenting, and who know they don’t have the most perfect child in the world.

If being alienated isn’t bad enough, the other danger with this attitude in parenting is that at some point…something, somehow, somewhere along the way (it may be when they have a second child, may be when they have a teen or adult child, or may not be until they have a grandchild) will NOT go according to this parent’s perfect history or plan.  Suddenly they will NOT have it all figured out and they will feel completely lost and often very alone.

Later this week, I’m going to publish part two of this post.  In Part 2, I’ll talk about the details of the remaining two styles of parents as well as some final thoughts and great resources.

In the meantime, which type of parent do you see yourself as?  Are there any parents you know that you look up to?  If so, why?

As you can imagine, one of the first comments or questions I get from people when they find out I have 6 sons is about the cost of food.  I don’t blame people for wondering, and even old friends ask it when they see how big CJ is getting!

Believe it or not, as crazy as it may sound, we feed our family nicely on a budget that is the same as or smaller than that of families half our size!  Yes, seriously!  My problem is that I tend to not discriminate between “food” expenses and overall “household” expenses, the entire receipt from my weekly shopping trip at my local Fred Meyer is factored in.

Most people do not factor this in and I totally understand that.  There are often times when I make a trip to the store specifically for clothes and shoes and a minimal amount of groceries, and then there are also the crazy huge Costco shopping trips, so I guess I figure it all averages out right?  Bottom line is that when I say that I typically spend between $150 and $200 per week, that dollar amount tends to include everything, sometimes even clothes or shoes.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand LOL.  Feel free to listen to the following podcast for my entire lineup of tips and tricks on saving money in your family’s food budget.  From putting together the Menu and shopping list to even tackling the shopping trip itself, this podcast covers it all (well, pretty much).

I really did want it to be a short little diddy (as mentioned in the end of the feature), but there was no way to truly limit it that much…so, sit down with a cup of coffee or tea when the kiddos are down for a nap and join us in Grocery Budget Tips and Tricks 101!

 

 Food Budget Tips and Tricks: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download