New and expectant motherhood comes with a lot of interesting and often unexpected changes in life, and the relationships around you. You may find yourself much closer to a friend or relative that you hadn’t spoken with much over the last several years, or you may find that you fall away from the “girls night” crowd as you embrace mothering your baby.

There are always going to be a lot of opinions out there about whether motherhood should, or should not, change your relationships but the reality ladies, is that it will. There’s no way around it, when you become a mother you are changed forever. It’s a fact, it’s a part of life, and it’s an amazing part of the journey. So embrace it! Turn your ear kindly from the friend who may shake her finger at you over it, and just move on in your new self.

The Mom Community

I love when there’s a sense of community among mothers. This can make such an amazing impact on our lives whether that community is online or off, and no matter how big (or small) that community is.

I’m not suggesting you need to join a mom group, nor am I urging you to join an online mom community even, but the impact of having a few other mothers in your life, that you can confide in and talk to, and possibly even get together with (with or without children) occasionally is huge.

Today, I have a word of caution though. There will always be different parenting styles, personalities and opinions no matter how big or small your personal community is. I would like to suggest to you that unless you are asked for it, do not presume to offer up your particular opinion randomly.

The Preconceptions

We all go into motherhood with set opinions, and often we have decided how it will be. When our first child is still very young, most of that is still not all the way out of our systems yet. I am not implying that parenthood will not occasionally go exactly as planned for some mothers, but that is the rare exception indeed.

I say all of this out of my own personal experience, as well as that of many other moms with whom I have had this discussion. I do not say this to discourage or put down new moms, but only to caution you….here’s why…

Use Caution my Friends

I have been a mom for a long time now, and have discovered that particularly in the case of mothers who have only one child, especially if they are still an infant or toddler, choosing words and opinions to share carefully is very wise. While you are no less valuable part of the mom community, you have not yet “been there, done that”. Likewise, while your opinions and feelings are just as valid as the next mom over, they are not based on long-term first hand experience.

In other words, share what you’re going through, share what has worked for your child so far, but don’t lay out opinions that you have just decided upon in your head as the only way to do things. Far too often I see new, first time moms put bold opinions out there without thinking.  They often say that that they don’t understand other mothers who {insert something another mother is doing here} (ie. another mom doesn’t go out with friends as much, or one chooses to stay home with their baby, or they choose to breastfeed past 1 year…).

The thing is, they don’t understand and can’t yet and possibly never will. But usually, even if you don’t understand or even agree with another mother’s choices, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that mom doing it and they are doing what is best for them and their child, which in the end is all they need to do.

What you say now, is likely to come back and bite you in the future.

I think it’s amazing if you have a baby who sleeps through the night upon coming home from the hospital, and nurses perfectly until the exact age you had in mind when they would wean. I am always so happy for those moms who have babies who they can take anywhere and who sleep on the right schedule.

But the fact of the matter is, not every single child is this way and not every parent has the opinion that they even should. Whether you believe me now or not, more often than not, if you are overly vocal on your opinions that suggest that you have it down and that other moms just aren’t doing it right if their child isn’t just like yours…. it will come back to bite you.

Err on the side of caution my friends. Be careful how you approach how you publicly vocalize opinions on parenting because you never know what your own future holds…..

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