There comes a time in many mom’s lives when they begin to wonder where they went. If you hear yourself saying “Huh?”, keep reading and you’ll understand.
As a mom it is not uncommon to find after a while that the role of “mom” begins to define who you are. It may also become difficult to figure out who you are outside of that role. That is where I am. I have never been in that position before so I feel a little strange being there after all these years.
Where I am: Since the twins were born I have often been completely housebound for long periods of time. Either because it was too difficult to go anywhere at that stage in the game or because of susceptibility to illness. Frankly, sometimes it is simply easier to stay home. That may be only part of it, but it seems like the most likely thing that pushed me to “the other side”.
What I planned: We have all learned by now that the realities of Motherhood are VERY different than the dream. Many of us had it all planned out perfectly before we had children only to find that life isn’t perfect!!!
My Reality: It has always been a goal of mine to maintain my identity outside of simply being “mom”! Not because I don’t love my kids, nor because I don’t often find myself wrapped up in their world and parenting them . . . this is simply what a mom does. Someday, however they will be grown and have families of their own and then what? Who am I then? Grandma? Well, considering that I have 6 children, odds are that I will have many grandchildren, but that too cannot define me as a person.
Looking beyond the titles? (Thinking out loud) Can we really look beyond them or do they define us? I am a Christian, a Wife, a Mother, a Sister, a Daughter, a Friend, a business person and more. Although I think that these roles say a lot about who I am, the way I act within those relationships/roles is what I think really defines me. My actions, commitments, attitudes and behaviors define me far more than my roles and affect those relationships positively or negatively. In turn that will define how I will be treated and who I will continue to become. These are some random thoughts I encounter often when considering this subject.
Bottom line . . . we all need to be comfortable in the clothes we wear. Some clothes are given to us as a special gift and they may not seem to fit us right, but there are ways to make them work. Some clothes we outgrow, some we grow into and some we may be able to wear again someday as life permits.
I for one want to look forward to the years ahead, and what I will experience in each of my roles. There will be good times and bad times, and while the fact remains that I won’t be a mom forever, I cannot spend so much time trying to “find myself” outside of those roles that it affects my ability to enjoy being a mom! Does that make sense? I guess I realize that being a mother does define who I am in many ways, but it is not my life! It may seem to consume me right now, but I don’t think it will for long and I will miss it when it doesn’t.
This is life in the midst of motherhood and I have a choice to make ~ enjoy or resist ~ the one I choose will define and shape me.