There are many moments as a mom that make me stop and think and even embed that moment into my mind. The sweetness of a hug and kiss, the nightly routine of having to say goodnight to every single sibling (Walton’s anyone?).
But I have to admit that my very favorite Mom memory is the day we brought home the twins! I honestly am surprised just how clear and fresh everything is for me! These two beautiful babies who had been born 6 weeks early had endured so much already in their short life and they were finally going HOME!
Two weeks spent in the NICU watching them get poked countless times for IV’s that would “blow” every few hours and have to be replaced into another vein, feeding them through a tube, spending so much time away from my kids, husband, home, suddenly going from an expecting mom with a perfectly normal pregnancy to having these precious babies taken from me as soon as they were born, thrust into a situation where I had to ask to touch my babies. It was a surreal experience. And even though it was like a nightmare in many ways I can’t help but realize that I am still blessed. We were fortunate that their lungs were developed even though boys born so early, fortunate to have an excellent birthing center with a wonderful staff, blessed to have my mom who so selflessly gave of herself and her time to care for our other boys, just BLESSED!
The day that the babies were released from the hospital I arrived bright and early in the morning as usual. Based on progress from the day before we actually didn’t think they were going to be released that day, but as I entered the room a specialist was finishing up their hearing tests – which they passed with flying colors, another blessing – and told me that she was told they were going home that day. The first glimmer of excitement began in my chest as I processed what she had told me. Next the nurse confirmed that she thought they were going home too and several more things progressed throughout the morning re-confirming that their release was imminent. They had passed their car seat tests the night before while I was there – yet another blessing.
So, I attended rounds that morning to get the scoop. Sure enough, they felt that both boys could go home with me that afternoon and would begin the paperwork. A short discussion on M’s ability to go home took place based on his continuing to have bradys. But it was decided that I had been providing most of his care, his brady’s were eating related and I was the one feeding him when most of them took place and knew how to handle them. And after all according to the nurse I was an “experienced mom” with four more at home so they had no concerns about him going home with E.
I called hubby and he too was shocked – they’d only removed M’s feeding tube the day before, so we had been preparing ourselves for a longer stay. At this point I was ecstatic! As all of the wires were removed from my babies for the first time in their short lives I felt a deep sense of relief! I had buried my feelings and emotions for two weeks in order to care for everyone, this was my duty as their mom. I think for the first time I actually got teary as I allowed myself to feel. I’d been loving these babies, praying for these babies and caring for these babies for two weeks, but I hadn’t completely felt like their mother.
I took ownership of turning off their monitors, then removing all of their wires and I felt a renewed freedom with each wire that came off. I changed them into their very own clothes for the first time – we’d been using those provided by the NICU for their time there. As we waited for hubby to arrive for the homegoing I sat in the chair in the room that had been their home for their first two weeks and for the first time I held them both as I had held all of my other sons after birth, free of medical entanglements, just MINE!
There is absolutely no way to describe to you the deep emotion I am feeling as I write this – this was such a huge and deeply emotional moment for me. NO WIRES, NO TUBES, just my beautiful baby boys waiting to go home! Then as we left the hospital it almost felt as though another cord was cut the moment the last door of our car was closed with our babies inside. As we drove off I cried tears of joy – in awe of the reality that we were all finally going home!
When we arrived at home we discovered that my mom who had been there every day for two weeks, was getting very sick and wouldn’t have been able to care for the kids that day or the rest of the week – yet another blessing that we came home that day. We had a few hours by ourselves with the babies while our 2 year old slept and our older boys were at school. We knew that they would be VERY excited when they got home since they had been begging for their babies to come home. But the silence and reality of having the twins in their own bed for the first time was truly overwhelming and we needed a few minutes to rest.
Sure enough, the boys came home whooping and hollering and so very excited that THEIR babies were finally home where they belonged! They all washed up and got very quiet as they stood next to the crib where the babies slept. There they were all of my precious boys in one place – in our home! The older three boys spent most of the afternoon and evening standing by the babies watching them sleep, moving from location to location as the babies were held, fed and sleeping.
I am happy to say that the older three boys continue to hover over the babies – their own personal protection unit – this is my true blessing and honor to watch! Never has their been a more precious sight than my 11 year old holding one of the twins and telling them how wonderful they are, that there are no babies in this world that are as cute as they are and that they are truly a loved baby! Or to watch my 7 & 8 year olds get out toys and books and play with or read to the babies telling them just how very cute they are as they entertain them! I AM BLESSED!