For most people, friends come and go throughout life. For me though, God didn’t orchestrate many friendships in my life until I was an adult.
Some children are very social and have many friends. Some in fact, almost seem to have magnetic appeal and people are simply drawn to them.
Then there are the wallflowers. The children that are quiet, tend to shrink back or stand off a little bit not sure where or how they fit in. The introverted child that watches from the background and often wonders what it would be like to be magnetic and social …. even just once.
I speak from experience. I was the wallflower …. my little sis, who I love dearly, was the magnet! Even though I was the older sister, there were often times that I felt like the shadow. I protected her, taught her and paved the way for her … but when it came to friends, it had nothing to do with me. Her bright blue eyes and dynamic fun-loving personality was (and still is) so appealing, it just drew people in.
Please don’t think that I’m wallowing in self-pity. I am actually quite content with my position in life …. now. Back then though, there were so many tears, so many frustrations and many broken hearts. Longing for a friend of my own was, in my mind, an improbable possibility … a thought that floated somewhere in the back of my mind, but if given too much time to come to the forefront, left me heartbroken and still friendless.
As a teen I came to develop a few close friendships that lasted for many years. One or two close friends that meant the world to me and thankfully, for the most part, they reciprocated with the same unselfish friendship I offered them – rain or shine!
As an adult, I have some truly wonderful and profound friendships. Although I have many acquaintance friends, I still don’t have many best friends, but the few are mighty and I feel blessed!
The trouble comes when as a parent you suddenly see your childhood nightmares revisiting themselves in your own children. That’s right, one of my own children who honestly doesn’t seem like a wallflower has struggled with true friendships.
Our oldest son is very athletic, and even popular in his own right because of that little claim to fame, but still struggles to gain true friends that aren’t “fair weather” inclined. He is confident at school and seems to be able to hit it off with many of the other boys his own age.
Recently we put a lot of planning into a 13th birthday party for him. He handed out the invitations, talked with the boys about the party for two weeks and had grand plans for the day. Once it rolled around though, not one of those boys showed up … not one! Thankfully, both of my brothers (they are only 15 and 18) were coming to the party as well and my Dad and my Hubby both jumped in and joined the planned activities for the afternoon …. all helping to lighten the blow.
He had a lot of fun with all of them, but became a bit downhearted when it was all over. It was all I could do not to cry … it was me, reliving my childhood through him and hating every second of it for him but not having a clue how to help.
Once again however, I’m blessedly reminded that as I continually hand this boy back to God for guidance, I am able to move on and experience joy, peace and security about his future. He is a child of God! Was created for his own unique and perfect purpose (should he choose to follow it) and God KNOWS what He is doing.
Do I pray for protection for my son’s heart, sure I do. I also pray that he not be hardened by this type of experience, but that somehow, the peace of God will fill the place of sorrow, disappointment and hurt. I also find that as I see myself in the mirror of my son I can still feel the bitterness of those feelings from my childhood. The insecurities are still there to some extent, though I typically don’t have to come face to face with them anymore.
Do you struggle with insecurities that you thought you were well behind you?
Have you had to watch from the sidelines as one of your children dealt with those same issues?
Here’s a few scriptures that came to me in the process:
Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. – Isaiah 40:26
This one ALWAYS stands out to me particularly for CJ for some reason, so I cling to it and TRUST!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11