That’s right, I relish obscurity! Having words like unnoticeable & unexceptional attached to my humble little self isn’t completely horrible in my mind. I’ve never loved standing out in a crowd, in fact I’ve spent a lot of time over the years simply trying to make sure I blend in.
Hubby and I went out on a date last weekend and it was lovely. Finding childcare for 6 children is definitely a challenge. Our oldest feels he’s too old to be “sat”, but he’s waaaaaaaaaay too young to handle all his brothers. So if we are ever presented with an opportunity where someone is willing to come in and watch them all, let me tell you, we take it and RUN!
We ran a few errands and went to a very nice dinner on the waterfront. It was so nice to have time to ourselves without kiddos hanging on us, whining at us, yelling in our ear for attention or having to instruct them the whole time. A nice, quiet, civil meal.
There were many celebrations going on in the restaurant we ate at and there was a hubbub all around us. As we were waiting for our dessert I suddenly turned to my husband and said, “Obscurity really is highly underrated”. He wore the same quizzical look you probably have on your face right now too .
You see, after a whole entire lifetime spent trying to be relatively unnoticed in public I am now a spectacle anytime I go anywhere with even a portion of my children. Even going out with just my three youngest can turn into a spectator sport. I went against the norm by having 6 children – I understand that and don’t mind, but it does present a unique set of issues when going out in public.
Just having 6 children inspires the “are they all yours” and “how do you feed them all” (like I’m going to pick one and say it’s their turn not to eat LOL) questions. Add in the fact that they are all boys and then you get the “wow, you have your hands full”, “are they all boys?” and “were you trying for a girl?” comments and questions. Then you get to top it all off with the fact that the youngest two are twins and that has a whole set of crazy questions all it’s own.
I do try to be nice, but to be honest with you sometimes the questions and comments can get down right rude not to mention the fact that (remember my love for obscurity here) it steps way over my comfort zone for appropriate conversation and stranger involvement. It is very odd to have someone you have never seen before in your life, boldly approach you and ask “so, are you done yet?” – Just sayin’!
There’s another interesting side effect to knowing that you’ll stand out like a sore thumb in public – as a mom I intensely feel that they must always look and act perfect. I have 6 boys ladies! It’s extremely difficult to get every single one of them out the door with clothes that aren’t filthy by the time they get into the car that sits 6 feet from the front door, let alone have all of them sparkling with every hair in place. Yet I feel the unnerving need to always present a certain image in public.
Everyone wants a well-behaved, clean-cut clan, but when we only had three children it never occurred to me to go over each child 2 or 3 times before they met with approval. A simple trip to the grocery store was exactly that . . . simple! Throw on some shoes, hop in the car and get the groceries. I honestly never thought twice about it. But when you know that every eye in the store, museum or restaurant will be on you . . . whew! It makes me sweat just thinking about it.
I would like to think it is all in my head – the judgement, the looks, the whispering and pointing. But it isn’t, it is very real and I feel that I must present a good image for my family’s sake, other large families’ sakes and for the sake of Him who blessed us with all these boys.
So enjoy your obscurity if you happen to have some and don’t take it for granted. And if you ever see a harried mama with 6 boys in tow at the mall (Heaven help her), send a smile her way and continue on yours. She’ll love the smile and adore you for leaving her to a teensy bit of mental obscurity in such a public place.