Anyone who is a parent…and who’s willing to be honest…will tell you that parenting has no absolutes. I’ve been a mom long enough to know that one positive result to a particular parenting strategy doesn’t mean that I’ve found the perfect method for all my children.
I remember when our first son was just a baby, most of our friends, and frankly, most of the young parents in our church, had all adopted one particular parenting method based on one person’s beliefs about children and how to raise them. They used this method faithfully and revered this book almost like the Bible itself. They had classes and discussions based on these methods as well. My husband and I were the odd ones who didn’t follow this ritual of parenting. We weren’t treated that way by our friends, but we knew the method would not work for us and frankly we felt that it was very unbalanced and that was not how we wanted to begin our career as parents.
Over the years, I have found that most parents typically fall into one of three parenting statements:
- I have it all figured out.
- I have no idea what I’m doing.
- Just taking it one day at a time.
Today, I’m going to talk about the “I have it all figured out” parent.
The “I have it all figured out” parents are ones who typically (a) haven’t had their baby yet or (b) have a very mellow easygoing baby/child. Not all parents with easy babies fall into this category, but the ones who do feel this way unfortunately tend to share their “expertise” often. They also do NOT understand that their child and parenting experience is the exception not the rule, and that most families simply cannot function or have the same results they have had.
Now, before I go any further with this one, I would like to clarify that the parents that fall into this group are SELF PROCLAIMED perfect parents. Most of us know at least one family where the parents truly are an amazing example of great parenting…I can guarantee you these parents do not typically see themselves as perfect and it’s their humility that makes them even better with their kids.
The “I have it all figured out” attitude is actually a very dangerous one to have. These parents tend to alienate a lot of the people around them. Not only because of their superior attitude, but let’s face it, most of us want friends that are real! We want friends who live in the same reality we do, with challenges in life and parenting, and who know they don’t have the most perfect child in the world.
If being alienated isn’t bad enough, the other danger with this attitude in parenting is that at some point…something, somehow, somewhere along the way (it may be when they have a second child, may be when they have a teen or adult child, or may not be until they have a grandchild) will NOT go according to this parent’s perfect history or plan. Suddenly they will NOT have it all figured out and they will feel completely lost and often very alone.
Later this week, I’m going to publish part two of this post. In Part 2, I’ll talk about the details of the remaining two styles of parents as well as some final thoughts and great resources.
In the meantime, which type of parent do you see yourself as? Are there any parents you know that you look up to? If so, why?